Measure In Love
by HopeInMyHeart
Summary: Nobody said being Chief Resident would be easy, and as April Kepner learns on her first day, that couldn't be more true. April's year as Chief Resident is painful, and challenging,and changes her life in unexpected ways she could have never predicted.
1. Chapter 1

"Ready for your first full day as Chief Resident?" Owen Hunt grins from the doorway of the residents lounge as April Kepner stashes her purse in her locker.

"Nervous but I'm ready!" she smiles as they walk toward the e.r. "Dr. Hunt, thank you, so much for this opportunity, I won't let you down."

"You deserve it Kepner. You're efficient, you're organized, you're great with patients. I'm looking forward to this year. I think you'll do great with this role."

The E.R. Phone suddenly rings and April picks it up, listening carefully. She turns to Owen. "Car crash victim, head on collision on it's way in." she continues to listen and turns to him one more time. "Page. O.B." the victim is 26 weeks pregnant."

_"Alexandra Beckett, 32 years old, suffered massive head and chest injuries in a head on collision."_ the paramedics wheel her in 10 minutes later. The trauma team works frantically to assess her injuries, and confirm that the baby still has a heartbeat quickly after getting her on the table.

"She's got massive bleeding in her chest" Teddy confirms. "Let's get her upstairs, now."

"Is that... oh my God is that my wife?" A voice behind April frantically calls out as they wheel Alexandra towards the surgical elevator. April turns to face the distraught man.

"Mr. Beckett?" She asks

"Yeah. Um, is my wife... is she.. will she be okay?" he fights to catch his breath. "She was on her way to see her sister. She was 20 minutes from the house."

"Mr. Beckett, I'm Dr Kepner, April smiles kindly. Alexandra needs surgery immediately. We're going to take her up, and I'll keep you posted. I promise."

"And the baby? Is the baby okay?"

"The baby is still alive, and we're going to do everything we can to help them both." April pats his arm. "We'll do our very best Mr. Beckett."

* * *

><p>By the time the team gets Alexandra open on the table, the news goes from bad to worse.<p>

"We've got a lot of bleeding down here!" Teddy curses under her breath and looks up at Owen. She quietly shakes her head. "There's nothing I can do here. There's just too much damage.

"She's coding!"

Teddy charges the internal paddles, but it's no use. She looks up, and shakes her head again one final time.

"She's not coming back." Teddy says.

Owen motions behind him, "Let's get this baby delivered now while she's still got a fighting chance, we only have a few minutes people, let's move."

Moments later, the baby is delivered into the quiet, sterile operating room. While the NICU team works to stablize the baby, Owen looks across the table at April.

"Dr. Kepner, please call it."

"What?"

"She's your patient." Owen says.

"Time of death." April finally says, looking at the clock "8:22." She quickly leaves the room before anyone can see her emotions getting the better of her.

She brushes past Jackson a few moments later. "Hey are you okay?" He looks up with concern.

She shakes her head. "I lost my first patient as Chief Resident." she says. "She was pregnant. We delivered the baby, but she's a micro preemie. That kid...that poor tiny kid has already lost her mom."

"Hey. April. Come on." he follows her to an empty exam room and shuts the door behind him.

"That was a really tough case, the woman was in a major accident. You did what you could. At least you were able to save the baby. Let's look at the positives." he says, letting the door close behind him.

She looks up at him. "My first patient as Chief Resident and she _dies_. How am I supposed to tell her husband that she didn't make it? He has a 26 week preemie on her way up to the NICU right now, and his wife is dead, and that baby may die too. She shakes her head. "On my first day as Chief Resident, this is what I get." she mutters angrily.

"No one said it would be easy." he gently reminds her.

April rubs her temples. "I have to go and tell Mr. Beckett that she didn't make it."

"Do you want me to go? I can tell him."

She shakes her head. "She was my patient. I'll take care of it."

* * *

><p>"Is Alex okay?" Noah Beckett asks as April quietly approaches him in the waiting area.<p>

"Mr. Beckett." she begins.

"Please, call me Noah."

April nods. "Noah. When Alexandra was brought in, her injuries from the crash were catastrophic. I- I'm so sorry to have to tell you this but-"

"_No_" he whispers. "No you can't be serious, Dr. Kepner. _Please_! " he begs.

"I'm so, so very sorry." she repeats gently. "Alexandra didn't make it."

Noah buries his head in his hands, sobbing quietly.

"Mr. Beckett... Noah, I'm so sorry, but I do have something else to tell you." She quietly sits down across from him. "We were able to deliver your daughter." she bites her lip as he picks his head up.

"The baby lived? She didn't die?"

"Yes, she is alive right now. She's only about a pound and half, but she's strong. She's in the NICU, right now. I can bring you to see her if you'd like. Whenever you're ready."

Noah swallows hard. "Yes. I'd like to see my daughter." He says quietly wiping his eyes. "Can you bring me to see her?"

"Of course I can."

* * *

><p>The elevator ride up to the NICU is stone silent. Noah continues to cry silently to himself as they approach the NICU door. " I just can't believe this is happening." he whispers.<p>

April steadies herself, and hands Noah a NICU gown. "You need to put this on, it helps to protect the preemies in the NICU from outside germs." she explains, before taking a deep breath. "Noah, you need to prepare yourself for what you're about to see."

"Okay."

"Your daughter is very, _very_ small, she doesn't look like a normal baby, and she's in an incubator. You're going to see a lot of tubes and wires. I want you to know that this is all normal, and to be expected for a preemie. She's not able to breathe on her own just yet, so she has a tube in her throat, connected to a ventilator. It's a lot, and it's overwhelming. But, it's normal."

Noah nods. "Okay. I understand."

April swipes her badge, and the NICU door unlocks.

"It's so quiet in here." Noah whispers, looking around. "So much equipement for such tiny people."

April smiles at Jodi, the charge nurse. "Jodi, can you show us where the Beckett baby is, please?"

Jodie nods, and smiles kindly at Noah. "Of course, come on over here."

April and Noah follow Jodi to the far corner of the NICU. "Here she is Mr. Beckett. Go right on up and say hi." Jodie encourages.

Noah's red eyes overflow with tears as he peers into the incubator at his little girl.

April holds back her own tears as she stands on the other side, and peers down at the baby herself. _"45 minutes old is way too soon to have already been dealt your first loss."_ She thinks to herself. She listens silently as Noah effortlessly whispers to the baby, while wiping his tears away every few seconds.

"Hey... in there," he starts. "It's me. It's daddy. Do you recognize my voice?" he pauses for a second and takes a deep breath.

"I just want to tell you I love you, Daddy loves you so, _so_ much." He shakes his head and buries his face in his hands again, standing over the incubator.

"Noah do you want to sit down?" April asks softly.

He shakes his head, and looks at her. "What the hell am I going to do?" he asks her. "I'm alone. And she needs her mom. I don't know how to do this without Alex. I can't. I can't do this alone."

April grabs his shaking hands. "You're not alone Noah." she whispers.


	2. Chapter 2

"Kepner! I didn't see you this morning before I left the house! How's Chief Resident treating you so far? How was your first day yesterday?" Derek Shepherd greets April with a friendly smile the next morning.

April manages a smile."Yesterday was rough Dr. Shepherd, I'm hoping for a quieter day today, maybe I'll have a chance to actually learn how the scheduling system works so I can master that part of my job." April smirks.

Derek chuckles. "You'll get the hang of it. Just be patient, it'll be like cake before long."

"Dr. Kepner! I've been looking for you! Arizona Robbin's voice comes up from behind her. "I have a family that's requested you on their child's case this morning. Not bad for your second day as chief resident! Already winning over patients and their families. It's impressive!" She hands April the chart.

April's eyes open wide as she flips open the chart.

"The Beckett baby? Her dad asked for me?"

Arizona nods. "You made quite the impression yesterday on that poor father. I told him you've really excelled in your work in Neonatology. She shakes her head. "It's so sad, about her mom. These cases are always the toughest."

April nods quietly. "I know."

"Rounds in twenty." Arizona says, before heading toward the elevator bank. "I'll see you in the NICU. Good work, Kepner."

* * *

><p>The silence of the NICU used to be unnerving for April. Save for the whirrs and clicks of the ventilators, and the ever present beep beep of the cardiac monitors, voices were always hushed, and conversations were kept to a minimum. At first, it was hard to get used to, but the more time she spent in there, the more she grew accustomed to it. In contrast to the chaos of the e.r., and at times, the whole of the surgical floor, the solitude of the NICU gave April an ironic sense of calm and peace whenever she swiped her badge to walk through the door. It had become a place where she felt confident, and sure of herself. And the quiet didn't hurt a bit either.<p>

She slips off her labcoat, washes her hands, and gowns up before swiping her badge. Immediately, she sees Noah Beckett, sitting in a folding chair by his little girl's high tech incubator.

"Noah?" she gently whispers.

"Dr. Kepner." Noah looks up. she knows that he has yet to leave his daughter's side since she left the NICU the day before.

"How are you doing? Have you gotten any sleep at all?"

Noah shakes his head. "I don't want to leave her." he says quietly. "Did you get the message, I spoke to Dr. Robbins late last night- he starts to say.

"I know. She gave me the message."

"So, you don't mind, you don't mind I requested that you be on her case?"

April smiles kindly. "No, I appreciate you thinking of me."

Noah nods quietly. "Dr Robbins said that you were really really good with preemies. That... you even helped her daughter when she was born?"

"I did." She smiles when she thinks of little Sofia, and how well she was doing since being released.

"Thank you, for agreeing to be one of her doctors." He quickly adds.

She sighs. "Noah, your baby, she has a long road ahead of her. This isn't going to be easy, but she made it through her first night. She's clearly a fighter. She smiles at him. "Have you thought of what to name her?"

He actually chuckles. "I have, actually. Her... mom had this unnatural love for Elvis."

April chuckles. "okay, go on."

He sighs, "When she found out we were having a baby, she begged me to consider naming it Presley. I flat out refused. And it became a joke between us. She'd call the baby Presley just to get at me, and really, it just made me laugh."

"Presley." April smiles again.

"Presley. Presley Alexandra Beckett." He swallows hard.

"That's a beautiful name."

He shakes his head, "It was the only thing that made any sense last night. I can't think about anything else, or what to do, but naming her? Naming her something that Alex wanted? That was easy. I sat here all night, trying to come up with a plan, of what to do I'm just... I can't even think straight about what needs to be done."

April nods, "It's understandable. Just pick one thing at a time to think about. That's usually the best way to do it."

Noah takes a deep breath. "Alexandra's funeral. I.. I have to plan a funeral." He shakes his head. "Her family lives in Liverpool. They got here late last night. I told them to stay at the hotel. I don't... I don't want all those people here."

"Well, the good news is, the NICU is pretty confined." April gently tells him. "So, you don't have to worry about all that."

"I mean, they're good people, but I can't deal with them freaking out over her like this."

"Of course, you know, I'm sure that some of your extended family will be happy to take care of the funeral details. I'm sure they understand you're a little busy right now."

"Yeah. Yeah, her sister lives nearby. I should call her to ask for help."

April nods. "I'll stay with Presley, if you want to step out and make a few calls. Get some air, maybe a cup of coffee?"

Noah hesitates. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. Go on. Dr. Robbins will be here shortly, so she'll have two people looking out for her until you get back, plus her nurse. Go on."

"Thank you Dr. Kepner." Noah squeezes her hand tightly. "I'll be back soon."

As April watches Noah de gown, and leave the NICU, she smiles at the morning charge nurse. "Can you do me a favor?" She asks.

"What's that Dr. Kepner?" The nurse looks up from her chart.

"The Beckett Baby. She has a name now. Let's note that in her chart. I want people to know she has a name. Her name is Presley."

"I'll make a note of it Dr. Kepner." The nurse smiles kindly. "She's a fighter that one."

April smiles as she peers into the incubator. "She sure is, isn't she?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Note: I am out of town for the rest of this week, so updates may be scarce! enjoy ch. 3, please let me know what you think!**

* * *

><p>"This is baby girl Beckett, born at 26 weeks yesterday morning. We've administered normal micro preemie protocol, and we're watching her sats, and keeping track of any apnea and bradycardia. Her CT this morning shows a possible brain bleed, but it's still grade one. She has a slight murmur that could indicate Patent Ductus Arterosis, but for now, we're not jumping to conclusions. Additionally, we're watching her other organ function for any anomalies whatsoever, but for now she's stable." Arizona scribbles notes into Presley's already growing chart. "Anything else to add Dr. Kepner?"<p>

"It's…Presley. April says softly.

"I'm sorry?" Arizona looks up.

"Her name… It's Presley."

"Right. I see that right here, I stand corrected. Presley." Arizona smiles. "Is her dad around? I want to be sure we're keeping him as up to date as possible.

"He's back. He was making a few calls, taking care of a few things." April explains.

Arizona turns to Noah. "Mr. Beckett, I have an update on Presley. She's stable for now, but we do have concerns, she does appear to have a very minor brain bleed that we are keeping an eye on, and I heard a small murmur when I was listening to her heart.

"So what do we do?" Noah breathes deeply.

"Right now, we wait. Working with micro preemies, it's a balancing act. We need to wait to see if some of these problems self correct, but obviously, we don't want to wait too long.

"Right. A balancing act." Noah nods.

"As for right now, she's alive, she's as stable as we can hope for. Your little girl, Presley, she's a fighter." Arizona pats his arm. "I'll be around later to look in on her."

* * *

><p>"There you are Dr. Kepner! An unfamiliar voice comes up behind April as she exits the NICU.<p>

April turns around, "Do I…know you?"

The young resident smiles, "No, I'm a second year resident. I'm Delia Tanner." She extends her hand. "Congratulations on getting Chief Resident, Dr. Kepner."

"Thank you, very much, I'm looking forward to-

"So I can't make my shift on Friday night…" Delia finishes quickly. "I'm super sorry but something's come up. She nods with wide eyes. "Family emergency."

April looks at her curiously. " Three days from now you're going to have a family emergency, Right, Got it. Okay well, I'm going to need that in writing, and I'll get back to you on that. But, plan to be working on Friday Dr. Tanner. Friday nights are all hands on deck."

Delia looks at her with confusion. "Are you serious?"

"Um… yeah." April rolls her eyes as she walks away.

"Wow. Hard ass." Delia mutters under her breath.

April shakes her head. "Interns." She mumbles, walking into the residents lounge, and blinking in confusion as she watches three of her 3rd year residents, ( Sloppy, Smelly and Messy were her secret pet names for them) deeply engrossed in a guitar hero tournament.

"what the _hell_ is going on in here?"

At once, all three of them turn their heads, "Hey! We borrowed the Wii from Peds. We had some down time, figured, why not right?" Sloppy grins.

April's can feel her stomach tighten and her blood pressure rise a little.

"Hey Dr Kepner, you want a turn? It's pretty awesome!" Smelly holds out the guitar.

"_No_ thank you. Um, you all need to get back to work." April raises her eyebrows. "_Now_. Go find people to help. This isn't a frat house. And get that Wii back up to Peds immediately. There's a 12 year old somewhere who actually deserves to play with it."

"Wow. _Someone's_ on a power trip." Messy grunts as they stalk out of the lounge.

April huffs, and slides down on to the couch and rubs her temples.

"Kepner? Are you okay?"

April opens her eyes to see Callie standing over her. She sits up straight on the couch.

"yeah."

"real convincing there Kepner." Callie sits down across from her. "What's up?"

April sighs. "It's day two of my "reign" as Chief Resident and I'm already starting to feel like I'm not cut out for this.

Callie chuckles to herself.

"You don't think I'm cut out for it, do you?"

"No, that's not why I'm laughing."

April looks at her with confusion, "Okay, care to enlighten me?"

"April. I was chief resident." Callie says. "And I sucked at it. I… wasn't organized, I wasn't on top of things. I was scalpel hungry, and my mind was focused on other things."

"So what happened?"

Callie snorts. "The chief eventually figured it out, they gave chief resident to Bailey after a few months."

"So they can replace you? If you suck bad enough?"

"I… guess so, but listen, that's not going to happen. Not with you. Even if you feel like it might. But trust me, you're more organized on your second day of Chief Resident than I was into my second month. Of course you're overwhelmed. I bet you've had residents and med students crawling out of the woodwork, people you're sure didn't know your name a week ago, needing things, ridiculous things from you, right?"

"Yes! And… they're trying to walk all over me. I just… I don't know if I have it in me to be an enforcer, to make them listen. To get their respect."

Callie smiles. "You do. You just have to find your footing. I saw those three slump out of here just now, They listened, didn't they?

"Yeah, I guess so." April chews the insider of her cheek "But they hate me for it."

"So?"

"I don't want to be hated."

Callie shakes her head, "They wont hate you. Chances are, one of those third years is going to walk into a really cool case they'd have never seen if you hadn't just busted their asses in here."

April chuckles.

Callie takes a deep breath, "and April? For what it's worth, I know I give you crap, about your voice… and how you're annoyingly perky to the point where sometimes I kind of want to slap you, and your handwriting does resemble that of a 14 year old girl."

"It does?"

"Not the point Kepner. All of those things don't matter in the long run, because you're an amazing doctor. The other residents will learn that. Arizona talks about what a natural you are in the NICU, and what potential you're showing. The other doctors will realize that, and they'll learn to respect you. I bet sooner than you realize. Plus, you have some awesome attendings on your side too that have your back April."

"So is that your way of saying I'm not allowed to give up on this? That you and the other attendings would kick my ass six ways to Sunday if I gave up on this?

Callie shakes her head. "I wouldn't have to Kepner." She gets up from the couch and heads for the door before turning around one more time to look at her.

"You'd do all of that on your own."


	4. Chapter 4

"Congratulations, Dr. Kepner. You've done very well for your first month as our Chief Resident. I'm impressed by the organization of the residents, and how things are being handled." He extends his hand to April as he rises to his feet.

"Good work Dr. Kepner. Keep it up."

April smiles to herself as she exits Chief Webber's office and heads for the residents lounge.

"Everything's good!" she announces happily to Jackson, slipping off her lab coat and hanging it up in her locker. "Everything is… good, great, Chief is happy, and I'm off this weekend. Thank God."

"Are we off to Joes?" Jackson looks up suddenly. "Please say we're going to Joes. I need a drink after this week."

"Oh come on geriatrics can't possibly be that bad of a rotation." April shakes her head. "I survived it."

"Yes and you also have the patience of a saint. This was my last week of that rotation and I can safely say If I never see another bed sore again, It'll be too soon."

April chuckles. "Alright I'm almost ready, I just need to go check in on a patient and then we're all set. Head over, I'll meet you there."

* * *

><p>"There she is! Okay, now we can sing." Noah smiles as April tiptoes into the NICU.<p>

"Sorry I'm late, I got held up downstairs."

"She's made it one month. We have to sing happy birthday to her." Noah reminds her pulling out a birthday hat for her to wear.

"Oh gosh, okay!" April smiles as she slips it on.

"Alright are we ready?" Noah smiles down, 1…2…3."

"Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to Presley…

happy birthday to you."

Noah smiles at April. "Nice harmonizing Dr. Kepner"

She shrugs, "Vocal ability. Runs in the family."

"Well well! A celebration and I didn't get an invite?" Arizona fake pouts as she walks into the NICU a moment later.

"Sorry Dr. Robbins, I didn't know you'd be here tonight." Noah says sheepishly as he and April remove their party hats.

"It's okay, I'm actually not here for very long but I just wanted to come by and give you some good news Noah. Tomorrow, we're going to take Presley off the ventilator, and see how she does breathing on her own."

Noah's face goes pale. "Are you sure she's ready for that?" He glances nervously at April.

Arizona nods. "She's gained enough weight, she's approaching a little over 2 pounds at this point, I'm encouraged by her vitals, and I think we're ready to try this."

Noah exhales slowly. "And what if she doesn't do okay? How hard is it to get her back on the ventilator?"

"It's going to be okay, Noah. Don't worry. Basically what will happen is, she'll be taken off, and given supplemental oxygen and monitored round the clock for the first 24 hours off the vent to check for apnea and bradycardia, those monitors will stay on for the next forseeable future, and if she stops breathing, We'll jump in. But I'm confident in her. If she can make it for those first 24 hours, her odds of survival will double. We don't want her on the vent for any longer than she has to be."

Noah turns to April. "What do you think?"

April avoids looking at the confusion on Arizona's face, and nods confidently while looking directly at Noah. "Dr. Robbins is right. It's time to see what Presley can do on her own."

Finally, Noah nods. "Okay. Alright, lets do this."

"Okay, Dad. You need to get your rest, I'm ordering you off the NICU tonight to rest up. Okay?" Arizona raises an eyebrow that Noah has learned in the past month not to argue with.

Noah nods. "Message received."

* * *

><p>Arizona waks with April out of the NICU and turns to her.<p>

"What was that about in there?"

"What do you mean?"

Arizona raises her brow at April. "He's looking to you for an opinion on If what I'm suggesting is the best course of treatment, that's what. What's going on there Kepner?"

April shakes her head. "Nothing. We've just developed a… bond, being in the NICU the past month, that's all. Nothing more than that Dr. Robbins. We've just spent a lot of time together, because of Presley. That's all."

Arizona nods slowly. "If you say so, I have no reason not to believe that Kepner."

* * *

><p>"I am so stoked for my day off tomorrow!" It's my first day off in a month, and I plan to… to sleep in, and make breakfast and finally catch up on all the things I've missed on Oprah. It's going to be great."<p>

"I think your Oprah stuff got bumped off the DVR." Lexie crinkles her nose. "Meredith reprogrammed it all last week."

April grimaces for a moment. "Okay. Change in plans. I… am going to sleep, and make breakfast and…finally visit the botanical garden!"

Lexie shakes her head again. "It's supposed to rain all weekend."

Fine. I'll just sit on the couch and watch bad TV and fold laundry." She grumbles.

"Now she's talking like a resident with a day off!" Jackson chuckles, joining the ladies at the bar.

* * *

><p>"where on earth did I put it?" April mutters to herself, digging through her bag the next morning.<p>

"what are you looking for?" Lexie asks as she puts her dishes in the sink.

"my stupid phone charger" April sighs. My phone is about to die and I can't find it. I bet I left it in my locker at work.  
>"so much for not seeing the hospital on your one day off, huh? Come on, I'll give you a ride in, and then you can pick me up later. "<p>

"Ah ha! _there_ you are!" April declares, triumphantly holding the white cord in her hand. The contents of her locker are strewn at her feet. She quickly shoves the mess back into the locker, and leaves the lounge.

"Dr Kepner?" a med student calls out as she leaves the residents lounge.  
>"Nope!" she calls back over her shoulder. "Not today, no Dr. Kepner in the building today!"<p>

Just as she is rounding the corner, She finds herself nose to nose with none other than Noah.

"Noah! Hey! Are you ready for the big day?" April smiles, eyeing the door behind him.

Before he can answer her, Noah covers his nose and let's out an embarrassingly large sneeze.  
>"Noah are you okay?"<p>

"Yeah, yeah in fine. He sniffs. "I just… I woke up like this. Im fine though. It's nothing."

April shakes her head. "No, no you aren't okay Noah...you haven't been in the NICU yet today have you?"

He shakes his head. "No, I was just on my way up now actually."

"Noah, you...can't be in the NICU with a cold." April says sadly, "I'm sorry."  
>Noah shakes his head. it's fine, it's just allergies, I'm not sick."<p>

April sets her bag down. "Sit. On that gurney." She instructs.

"I'm fine." he insists.

"We'll see." She wheels over the vitals machine, and pulls out the thermometer. "Under your tongue. Now."

Noah rolls his eyes. "fine."

After a moment, the thermometer beeps and April raises her eyebrow. "101.4."

Noah grimaces, they're taking her off the vent. You heard what Dr. Robbins said, said the next 24 hours are critical Dr. Kepner. I need to be there.

April sighs. "I'm sorry Noah. She's doing really well but I can't put her at risk, and neither will Dr. Robbins. Her immune system is non existent right now. You know that."  
>"what if something happens and I'm not there?"<br>April glances at the door one final time, and hesitates for a moment.

"I'll go up there." She finally says, looking back at Noah. "I'll sit in with her."


	5. Chapter 5

"Dr. Kepner, you don't have to do that." Noah turns his head away and sneezes again. "It's your day off. You should go home."

April pats his arm kindly, "You need to rest, I want to, I'm happy to sit with her. Really."

"You know, I actually am feeling sort of light headed." Noah begins to say, before suddenly collapsing on the E.R. Floor at April's feet.

"I need a gurney over here!" April drops to her knees beside Noah to take his pulse as the orderlies rush over with a gurney.

Seconds pass before Noah regains conciousness on his way into an exam room. He looks around with confusion, and lands on April.

"What the hell happened?"

"You passed out. Probably from exhaustion Noah. I'm having you admitted and started on IV fluids. You're no good to your baby if you don't take care of yourself. You know that."

Noah sighs. "I know. I guess I've just never been very good at taking care of myself."

April closes his chart, and hands it to a nurse before glancing at the clock.

"I'm going to head up to the NICU. I'll make sure you get updated hourly on how shes doing. Okay?"

Noah nods. "Thank you Dr. Kepner."

* * *

><p>"April! I thought today was your day off. Arizona looks at her curiously as she approaches Presley's incubator.<p>

"Yes. It...is" April begins slowly.

"So...one would wonder why you're standing in the NICU and not...you know, sleeping or doing laundry or watching television."

"Noah,I mean, Mr. Beckett is sick. He was just admitted for observation. He passed out in the e.r. About 20 minutes ago." April explains.

"Crap!" Arizona shakes her head. "We're trying to wean her off the vent, I told him to take it easy."

"I told him the same thing. And then he came in this morning, and I ran into him on my way out of the E. R., I was here, I left my phone charger. And I noticed he wasn't well. And so, I told him to rest, that I'd sit with her, and-

" April." Arizona stops her. " It is _not _your job to mother this baby."

" I know. I know, but he trusts me. So, I'll sit with her. I don't mind."

Arizona sighs. "You're getting too attached Dr. Kepner. I need you to maintain professionalism. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kick you out of here myself and send you back to your day off. Your _highly needed_ day off."

April shakes her head."I can't. You're right. If you want to kick me out, I understand."

Arizona crosses her arms and thinks for a moment. "You cannot make this a habit. You need to keep your boundaries. I know you want to help, I know you have a big heart, but don't allow it to become a liability Dr. Kepner."

April nods quietly. "So are you kicking me out?"

Arizona finally shakes her head. "I should. But I'm not going to."

"Thank you, Dr. Robbins." April breathes a sigh of relief.

Arizona sighs. "Let's get started." She smiles down at Presley. "Are you ready?" She coos as she unlocks the side panels to Presley's incubator. "

Should we test drive those lungs of yours little lady?" April smiles down at her.

"Jodi, let's get the supplemental O2 ready please," she looks at the nurse. "Dr. Kepner would you support the baby while I extubate?"

April gently lifts Presley and supports her head. "Alright sweetheart, here we go."

Arizona slowly removes the breathing tube, causing Presley to gag and cough immediately.

"good girl! _Good!"_ April whispers as Presley fights to breathe, and lets out a tiny but powerful cry moments later.

"Atta girl, fill up those lungs!" Arizona smiles with satisfaction as she gently fits the nasal cannula into Presley's tiny nose. She glances over at April.

"so far so good."

April smiles as she gently settles Presley back into the incubator. "Atta girl Presley!" She coos, stroking the baby's tiny cheek.

"I'll be here to check in after rounds." Arizona says, handing April her chart. "Page me if you need to."

"Will do." April smiles, not taking her eyes off of Presley for a moment.

"Dr. Kepner?" Jodi speaks up from behind her.

April glances over her shoulder. "Yes?"

"I thought, if you're going to be here with her, you might want a comfortable place to relax, the folding chair that Mr. Beckett seems to favor hardly seems comfortable. I can get a rocking chair, if you'd prefer?"

April smiles kindly. "Thank you, Jodi. That would be great."

April turns her attention back to Presley, who gazes up at her.

"Hi there!" April whispers.

Presley blinks, but her gaze remains on April's smiling face above her.

"You know what I think?" April continues. "I think it would do you some good to be snuggled. What do you say to that?" She carefully navigates the tangle of wires that surround Presley as she lifts her gently out of the incubator. "You know Presely. Science tells us that sometimes, being held is the best medicine. Especially for a little person like you."

Jodi returns moments later and smiles at the scene in front of her. "She's lucky to have such a loving, attentive doctor in you, Dr. Kepner."

April smiles as she settles herself carefully in the rocking chair, holding Presley carefully. At only 2 pounds, holding the baby was a little like trying to cuddle a cloud.

"Look, her vitals are getting stronger." Jodi grins as she looks at the monitor. "Good work, Dr. Kepner."

April continues to stroke Presely's cheek, smiling at her. "She's the one doing all the work here."

"Do you want me to find out which room Mr. Beckett was admitted to so we can update him?"

"That would be great."

Suddenly, Presely's brow furrows and April panics inwardly for a moment as she attempts to cry. Her panic is instantly dimimished when she reminds herself that Presley's crying is a strong indicator of how well her lungs have developed, and allows her to work herself into a tiny wail.

"Good girl, good, good girl Presely." April continues to rock with her, but after a few tense minutes, Presely's cries are persistent.

"When she's stressed, Mr. Beckett sings to her." Jodi suggests.

"He sings to her?"

"Beatles, Elvis. Anything."

April looks down at the baby, and begins to softly sing the first song she can think of.

"_I'm a new soul, I came to this very strange world_

_hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take..."_

Immediately, Presely's cries begin to quiet as April continues to sing softly.

"_but since I came here, felt the joy and the fear_

_finding myself making every possible mistake..."_

"Seems to be working" Jodi chuckles. "And it's quite an appropriate song I'd say."

"I was listening to it the other night." April shrugs with a smile. "I've always liked that particular song. It's sweet I guess."

Jodi nods. "It is. I agree. Good choice."

Soon enough, Presely is sleeping peacefully, and April gently returns her back to the incubator, and shuts her eyes for a moment when she sits back down in the rocker.

"Dr. Kepner?" Jodi's voice is suddenly, and urgently waking her from her catnap.

"What? What is it?"

"She's having an Apnea spell." Jodi explains, as April jumps to her feet.

"Okay, it's alright. Presley. Just breathe sweetie." Jodi begins to stimulate Presley to breathe by rubbing her back, and a few tense moments, Presely begins to breathe on her own. April can once again feel the color coming back into her own face as Presely's heart rate stabilizes.

"Let's make sure we note that. And start her on the Apnea monitor."

* * *

><p>"How's our fighter?" Arizona enters the NICU a short time later.<p>

"She had an apnea episode a little while ago, but other than that, she's stable" April reports.

"Did anyone call Mr. Beckett to let him know?"

"We did, right after it happened."

Arizona nods. "Good work."

Much to April's relief, the following 21 hours pass with little incident. Early the following morning, after checking on Presley, She slips out of the NICU, and heads straight for the 6th floor to visit with Noah, and give him the good news.

She quietly opens the door, and is fully aware that the smile on her face could easily illuminate Noah's darkened room.

"Noah!" She whispers, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Noah opens his eyes and sits up suddenly. "What's the matter, is she okay?"

April smiles widely, "She's doing wonderfully. She made it with little incident, she's doing great off the vent."

Noah's face breaks into a wide grin, and his eyes fill with tears. "Thank you, thank you so much Dr. Kepner."

"You can call me April" She says warmly.

Noah quickly gets to his feet. "I want to go see her, I need to see her."

April's smiles fades. "No way, not until you're cleared. You're not messing up all my hard work by going and getting your daughter sick."

Noah sits down next to her on the edge of the bed, dissapointedly.

"I'm sorry. But I promise, as soon as they clear you, you can come see her."

The smile returns to Noah's face. "We couldn't have gotten this far without you. Thank you, so much for everything you've done so far." He squeezes her hand, and suddenly an electric shock goes through April's body as they sit in the quiet for a moment.

She immediately gets to her feet. "I should get back." She says quickly.

"Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, me, I'm fine. I'm great, a little tired, but, me? I'm good. My shift is about to start, so uh, I should really go" she stammers. "I'll keep you posted, on how she's doing, but she uh, she's almost out of the woods. She's a fighter, that girl."

Noah's permagrin persists as she reaches for the door. "Thanks again...April."

She exits the room, and splashes water on her face in the nearby ladies room. Glancing at herself in the mirror, she takes a moment, and runs her hands through her hair.

"This can't be happening" She says to herself. "I can't be falling for him."


	6. Chapter 6

There was one thing April is sure of, and that's falling for an emotionally unavailble, heartbroken man, one of whom happened to be the father of her patient was not acceptable. There was no room for such nonsense. Especially not...now, not when she was just beginning her chief residency, finally getting settled, and slowly gaining the respect of her fellow doctors. No. there was simply no room for crazy notions like this.

Suddenly, her pager sounds with a loud buzz, and she races up to the NICU.

She steadies herself, and swipes her badge allowing access to the NICU moments later and immediately hears Presley's cry from the doorway. Arizona is standing by her incubator. She glances up and sighs with relief. "Kepner, good! I'm glad you're here. We just did a quick blood draw, and she's pretty upset. I hear from Jodi you seem to have quite the bed side manner when it comes to this one?"

April hesitates for a moment, and then shakes off her emotions. "Yeah we've got... we've bonded, her and I."

Suddenly Arizona's pager sounds and she motions for April to take the screaming infant."Here, I need to answer this page. Kepner, are you okay?"

April nods quickly. "F-Fine. I'm Fine."

"Okay, thanks, I'll be back up as soon as I can be"

April swallows the lump in her throat, and takes Presley in her arms again. "Okay, okay Presley. You're alright" she whispers, immediately feeling Presley's tiny body relax.

A moment later, Presley has calmed down enough to be placed comfortably back in her incubator.

"Any news on how her father is?" Jodi asks

"He seems to be better, but he's not cleared yet. It's probably going to be another day or so."

"Poor thing" Jodi sighs, looking down at the baby. "All alone and fighting like hell. I hope he gets better soon. She needs her dad."

"She certainly does." April agrees.

"Dr. Kepner?" Chief Webber's voice suddenly fills the NICU, and she turns around quickly.

"Hello Chief."

"Dr. Kepner, may I have a word with you, outside please?" He motions to the hallway, and April can feel her stomach drop to her knees as she follows him outside the NICU door.

"What can I do for you, Chief?"She fights to stay calm.

"Dr. Kepner, am I to understand that you spent your day off here, yesterday?"

"Yes. Yes sir I did." She spends little time trying to figure out who ratted her out. It was a pointless exercise, the chief had a way of knowing every last detail of the goings on in his hospital. For all she knew, he could have simply seen her in the NICU at any point during the day.

"Do you care to explain why?"

April takes a deep breath. "My patient, Presley Beckett , Sir, her father wasn't able to be with her during a criticial period between yesterday and today. Dr. Robbins weaned her off of her ventilator, and, as you know-

"The first 24 hours off the ventilator are critical. I understand." Chief Webber finishes. "What I don't understand is why you felt it necessary that you be the one to step in, in place of her parent. I don't need to remind you that we have a fully staffed, state of the art NICU, you've spent enough time behind that door to know that."

"I... I just didn't want her to be alone." April says quietly.

"It's not your job to mother her."

"I understand."

Chief Webber sighs for a moment. "No one doubts that you're a good doctor. Your bedside manner is top notch, but Kepner... you're chief resident now. You need to set the example. Now tell me that you understand that, and that you'll maintain a professional distance with this patient. If you can't do that, I'll have Robbins reassign you. But I think that you can.

"I can."

"Okay then. Go be a doctor."

* * *

><p>"He reamed me Meredith. He totally chewed me out for staying yesterday. I know better. I should have just, never done that. I don't know when my judgement got so blurred. April takes a swig from her beer bottle later that night. She huffs, and sits down across from Meredith at the kitchen table.<p>

"Well what did he say?"

"I'm too involved. I need to remember my boundaries, and that I'm not her parent." April mutters.

Meredith chews her lip thoughtfully. "You're human. I've seen this before. And, from what you've told me, It'd be almost impossible not to get attached. Just, try to reign it in. Don't worry, you haven't ruined your life April. We all get overly involved from time to time. It happens.

"I just feel so bad for them. For Noah, and Presley."

Meredith shoots her a look. "are we on a first name basis with dad? You failed to mention that."

April looks away. "we're just...friendly. We've spent a lot of time together in the NICU."

Meredith raises her eyebrow. "You do understand that, even if he wasn't the father of your patient, that getting involved with him is... it's just not going to happen. He just lost his wife! You need to just, look away April. You're only setting yourself up for disappointment.

"I know. I know, believe me I know" April puts her head down on the kitchen table. Suddenly, baby Zola's cries can be heard over the monitor that sits in the center of the table.

"I should go see if she's okay" Meredith says, getting to her feet.

April picks her head up. "Thanks Meredith."

Meredith pats her shoulder. "Just be careful, okay?"


	7. Chapter 7

"April!" Noah greets her at the NICU door the next day. "I'm all clear!"

April's throat tightens with nerves as he smiles at her. "That's... That's great. I'm sure Presley will be happy to see her dad this morning." She smiles tightly back at him.

Noah looks at her funny. "Everything okay?"

"Yes, everything's great, let's go on in and see how she is this morning." April allows Noah to walk ahead of her. His face breaks into a wide grin at the sight of his little girl, free of the breathing tubes that surrounded her the last time he laid eyes on her.

"She did wonderfully last night Mr. Beckett" Jodi says smiling, only one apnea spell, and since then she's been stable. Really, she's doing great.

Noah kneels down. "I knew you could do it Presley. Daddy's so proud of you." He glances up at April

"Isn't that great news?"

"It is. That's great."

"Well it's like I said yesterday, we couldn't have gotten this far without you April. Thank you, so much, again for helping her through it all. It means...more than I can say.

April can feel Jodi glance between her and Noah before walking back to the nurses station. Her stomach flip flops as she closes her chart and begins to back away.

"Well, Presley's doing wonderfully and I expect Dr. Robbins will want to release her as soon as she reaches 4 pounds."

Noah wrinkles his brow at her " April...Why are you being so...formal?"

"I'm not being formal, I'm telling you what to expect as her doctor."

Noah shakes his head. "No, this isn't normal for you. I've known you for a month, seen you every day and this is the most formality I've ever seen from you. What's up?"

"I-I'm sorry, I should have been more formal from the start." she says quietly.

Noah looks at her with confusion. "I guess I just don't understand. You've been the most friendly face, in what's been a horrible time, I kind of thought of you as my friend. I thought you felt the same way. I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry Dr. Kepner."

"_Dr. Kepner."_

April can practically feel her heart breaking down the middle as he turns away. She shakes her head sadly, and looks around before opening her mouth to speak.

"There's something you're not telling me." Noah says, "Isn't there. Is it... Presley? Are you afraid to give me more bad news? I thought she was doing well- what is it?"

"It's not Presley"

"Okay, then what?"

April looks around again, and takes a deep breath before leaning in to speak in a hushed tone.

"There are some, namely, my bosses that think I'm too...involved with Presely." she admits quietly. "Too...enmeshed, with you, and her, and I've...I've just got to be careful. I think of you as a friend too, but, I just, I got in trouble yesterday."

"For staying with her."

April nods, and then looks at Noah curiously as a small smile creeps into the corners of his mouth.

"_Why_ are you smiling?"

Noah chuckles. "I'm smiling because I'm relieved I didn't do anything. I thought you were mad at me."

"No. Not even a little."

"So...we can't be friends?" Noah's smile begins to fade as he considers the implications on April's career.

April sighs sadly. "I wish we could be. And maybe if the circumstances were different, we could be but-"

"No, I get it. And, honestly, I don't want you to get into trouble Dr. Kepner." Noah says, with sadness returning to his voice.

"I'll still be able to treat Presley, and you should know, I do care about her. And.. about you. I don't want you to think that I don't care."

"I know."

There is an uncomfortable moment of silence that sits between them.

"I should probably go." She finally says ,feeling tears spring to her eyes and feeling ridiculous that she is becoming emotional.

"Goodbye Dr. Kepner." Noah squeezes her hand, "I'll see you."

April looks away and takes her hand back. "Goodbye Noah."


End file.
